Nothing But a Big Faker

I don’t know if you know this, but there is a rumor going around that some men fake orgasms. Crazy isn’t it! Why would a guy need to this? If he’s not into “doing it”, I think it's pretty self-explanatory. Boy, don’t even bother looking at me with love in your eyes and no bulge in your pants. Still, there are guys who claim that they have indeed faked it, which if you think about it, might actually be a brilliant trick. If you told me that I didn’t make you come, I’m bloody well going to make it my mission to do so. Of course, first you’d have to help me up off the ground, where I will have collapsed in a heap of hysterical laughter. Guys faking it, what will they think of next!

Now on the other hand, we all know that women fake it. Every woman that I know can recall a handful of times when she has put forth more effort into the act of pretending that she was enjoying herself then actually trying to enjoy herself. Although the reasons may differ, like “I was tired”, “He was taking too long”, or “I was afraid I was going to miss CSI”, each woman was politely saying that her guy wasn’t performing well. While I myself have had lots of opportunities to fake, I’ve honestly never done so, simply because I’m not that nice of a girl. Seriously, be thankful that your girl does fake it. Would you really want to know the truth? When I said a handful of times, I meant a handful of times with each partner.

Every woman has been there, wanting the act to just be over so that she could get on with whatever it was that was preoccupying her attention at the time. Fatigue, hunger, stress, resentment and pain are all common things that can bump an orgasm off of one’s priority list and make a girl want to abandon her body if it will get her out of there. I have found myself in one or more of these situations. Sure, I could have “oh, oh, oh”’d my way out from between the sheets. But while I have wanted a partner to bloody well hurry up, I encourage it in a different way, by using sexual words like, "I want you to come for me now baby." Yes fellas, this is why we ladies say this. It’s not because your coming is such a turn on to us, but rather because you are taking forever and we want you to get off of us A.S.A.P. If this technique doesn’t work, there’s always the line "If you don’t come now, you’re not coming at all", (just kidding)…(okay I’m not kidding). Whatever way you say it, personally, I'd rather go the verbal route than attempting my best Meg Ryan impersonation.

The real reason I’m no faker is that I am comfortable with not always having an orgasm during sex. Honest! I'm totally fine with it because I know that a lot of it has to do with my mental mindset and some days I have not the physical nor mental energy to invest in an orgasm. Some days I’m certain that I don’t even have a pulse! It’s not necessarily my partner’s fault and it doesn’t mean I’m not still having a great time. Just remember, to keep a partner’s pride intact faking it may be the answer, but if we all spoke up a little more, there would be a whole lot less pretending....written by Brooke Mullins



The deep breathing, the squealing, the panting. Her vice pulls me in, her grip relentless, her legs shake and quake. Her body pulses. Her eyes roll to the back of her head. She screams in ecstasy. She calls out my name and throws pillows halfway across the room. Her whole body tenses up, then blows a gasket, then deflates to putty. As I collapse next to her, my fragile mental state leads me to ask the question many men before me have asked in their own mind. Namely, “How could Eckersley throw a backdoor slider with a 3-2 count to a badly hobbled Kirk Gibson in the ninth inning of the ’88 World Series?”

Truth be told, that’s the extent of how much I think about whether my most recent lover has faked an orgasm. It’s not that I don’t care whether I rocked her world, or moved mountains – it’s just that I’ve always been a firm believer that the orgasm is not the pinnacle of sexual pleasure.

We all want to please each other and have that feeling like we were the first and only to make our partners lose their minds. And I’m sure lots of guys have had that moment when they wondered whether “she faked it, or not?” It makes sense. But, I don’t worry about these things. It’s not a concern for me. I’m not saying it hasn’t happened to me. It probably has. And sometimes when my rhythm picks up, I observe a look that tells me there’s a traffic jam ahead. This is when I’ve always chosen to focus on shifting gears and working my way round traffic rather than plowing through it. Sometimes finding that alternative route to get around the traffic turns out to be the best achievement of all. Focusing on the pleasure and not the finish line is the easiest way to please any woman I’ve been with.

With that said, there are still plenty of folks who rack their brains trying to understand if and when a partner has faked an orgasm. I have more important things on my mind, like “Why didn’t he just throw an off-speed pitch and get him to chase ball four out of the zone."....written by Andrew Jensen

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