The Aphrodisiac

When you do a Google search of aphrodisiac, all kinds of crazy things come up. Everything from oysters to chocolate to Spanish fly. Apparently, there are even people who get turned on by artichokes. (Have you seen an artichoke?) No matter how strange they may seem or how vague the results, people really believe in aphrodisiacs. I challenge you to find one single, active man living in a retirement home in Florida that doesn’t have a couple of tabs of Viagra in his pocket. And in certain areas of Los Angeles, a little Hennessy and a bootleg porno tape go a very long way to closing the deal. In India, drinking rhinoceros urine is said to get even the most frigid housewife in the mood. (I think it works something like you threaten to make someone drink rhinoceros pee and they scream, “Ok, ok. I’ll have sex with you. Just keep the damn pee away from me. Please!”) So what’s the best aphrodisiac for getting a woman in the mood? I’ve heard that money is a great libido enhancer, but I doubt it. And that’s just based on the fact that I’ve never had an orgasm at an ATM machine. I did have a spontaneous orgasm once when my husband remembered something I’d told him to do the week before . . . and then actually did it.

Most experts agree that aphrodisiacs are just placebos. The fact that you believe that they’ll work is what makes them work. Maybe that’s why I’ve never used them. No matter how many pounds of oysters or chocolate you feed me, if the spark isn’t there, it just isn’t. I think the question should be why do you need aphrodisiacs in the first place? I thought that a good personality, a decent body and some half-way original pick up lines were enough to get the right person in the mood. I mean if you have to put things in people’s drinks and feed them certain food to get laid, you’re definitely doing something wrong . . . it’s called date rape. And that’s my next question. How come when I googled “aphrodisiac”, there was no websites discussing the merits of GHB or Ruffies? Or getting people drunk without their knowledge? I think that because then we’d realize that aphrodisiacs are kind of sketchy when you think about it. Or maybe I’m just a prude. I don’t know. But I do know that I’ll be on the lookout for strangers slipping oysters or rhinoceros pee in my drinks the next time I’m out at a bar. I’d hate to wake up and find I’d been “aphrodisiac’d”….written by P.S. Jones



I don't know about everyone else, but I would sacrifice a body part for a dependable aphrodisiac that worked. To suddenly become that charming, irresistible, "gotta have now" guy in a woman's eyes would be the ultimate weapon. In college we used to have grain-alcohol parties for the new freshmen girls in the dorms and ply them with "Purple Jesus" - grape kool-aid and grain... but unfortunately, if they didn’t simply go back to their room and pass out they would end up puking which is worse than saltpeter on sexual desire - for both parties.

There used to be Qualudes, and I have heard of GHB, and Rufies, but "date rape" has never been a fantasy of mine so I have no experience with them. The point is not to render your date unconscious or incapacitated. Ethically, those chemicals are wrong and do not belong in the category of aphrodisiacs... they are better off in the felony file. An aphrodisiac should amp up her desire to where she is literally tearing your clothes off.

Probably the closest thing to an aphrodisiac that I have found is the drug Xtasy. I have been in bars and when a gorgeous, young woman approaches me with fire in her eyes, passion in her heart, and hands that won't be denied, it is usually due to that drug. I realize I am not nearly young enough, hot enough, nor charming enough to merit that sort of passion unless it were chemically induced. At those times, I merely thank God and the inventor of the drug - who is my hero. I have heard of stuff called Spanish Fly, and everyone has probably heard of Oysters, but these are urban legends as far as I know.

In my opinion, an aphrodisiac is like Viagra. If it is available and it makes the sexual experience hotter and better then it would be a great tool to have. Unfortunately, in my life, aphrodisiacs are mythical potions that I have never experienced. I do however, have ultimate faith in chemistry, and long for the day when there is a "love potion" that will draw women to me like a magnet…..written by Cliff Hodges

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