The Ex-Files

A few months ago, my husband and I were in the store, waiting in line when he just disappeared. After a few moments, I found him outside in the car. When I asked him what the hell happened, he told me he was sorry but it had to be done. Apparently, he had spotted his ex-girlfriend in the store and felt that if his ex and I existed in the same space, the world would implode. In a perfect world, there would be no exes. Your partner would come to you unblemished by previous relationships. In the real world, you rarely find a keeper on the first try. There are some people (like my husband) who think that after you end a relationship that person can no longer exist. You don’t call them. You don’t email them. And you certainly don’t bring them up in your next relationship. I look at it a little differently. I admit that I still keep in contact with most of my exes and consider them friends. I like to believe that every relationship I’ve had has played a part in making me the person I am today. There was a reason I was drawn to that person . . . and a reason that it’s over now.

I’ve always been a little suspicious of those people who refuse to discuss their past. That’s a sign that you’re not quite over whatever happened back then. And that’s just as troubling as the guy who can’t stop talking about Katie, The One That Got Away. Either way, it’s hard to have sex when there’s a big pink elephant in the room. (Seriously, how I am supposed to enjoy the sex when I’m pretty sure that you’re pretending that I’m Katie?!) You just have to be open and honest without over-sharing. “One time I did this with my ex and I’ve always wanted to try it again” sounds better than “You don’t suck it the way Katie did”. If you do it right, your mate gets to know more about you and not your ex. As for me, I don’t mind the past because I’m confident about being a part of the future....written by P.S. Jones



George Santayana once famously said, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” But is that true of our past relationships? If we don’t learn about our partners’ relationship history are we deemed to repeat it? My best lawyerly answer is… it depends.

I have always wanted to know every detail of every sexual encounter a girl has had before me. I can’t really explain why. I guess I will just blame it on my fragile male ego. But I've always had the desire to be the best at every aspect of any relationship. The more information I have, the better opportunity I have to work my magic. When a girl tells me that her last boyfriend was the best at flipping her over or lightly tonguing her sweet spots, I look at it like a challenge. When a girl tells me her last boyfriend had no idea what to do in bed, I look at this as a chance to show her ultimate pleasure. Either way it gives me an opportunity to know where I stand and where she’s been. And I’m not looking to just sneak the information out of her. I ask directly. I want to know about the positions she’s been in. I want to know whether size matters. I want to know whether she has a dirty, kinky side or whether she likes to make slow and sensual love.

And when it comes to the relationship itself, that’s real important. I want to know what kind of boyfriends she had? How did they treat her? Where did they go? What were the best experiences? How was she treated by his family? All of this information goes a long way towards making sure that I am the best she’s ever had (in the bedroom and out).

Once I seek to understand the relationship history of my current partner, I know I can exceed her expectations. Without that knowledge you might as well be throwing love arrows with a blindfold on. I’m not exactly sure whether Mr. Santayana is correct, but I do know that in order to impress your partner – you better know where’s she been and who she’s been with… written by Andrew Jensen.

past relationships ex-lovers the ex relationship history