Sex Toys R Us

Over the years, I’ve had lots of lovers, boyfriends and one night stands. I’ve been in love, been screwed over and back in love within a few hours. I even bit the bullet and finally got married after a ridiculously short courtship. But through it all, I’ve always had Victor. I’ve known Victor for longer than I’ve known my husband and we’ve had countless number of good times. He’s is a twelve inch, black dildo that is hidden deep in the sex toy protection program (also known as my sweater drawer). We fell in love at first sight and he’s been the one I always escape to when I just need a good, fast orgasm. He’s always hard, doesn’t cheat and knows exactly where my g-spot is. Although I do end up doing all the work and that’s not really fair. But that’s a small tradeoff for having all the benefits of a penis and none of the drama that come along with it.

My sex toy is my comfort blanket. It’s what I reach for when all I need is to get off, without having to deal with the politics of a relationship. For the rest of us, sex toys are just a way to break up the monotony that can happen in even the best sexual relationships. Most women are pro-toy, even if it’s only in the privacy of their own home. Life is too short to go without cumming and you can sometimes find out what works best for you through experimenting with different toys. This can make some men a little nervous. You guys have been playing with your own special toys since you were diapers and it’s hard to think that there could be any kind of competition out there. Maybe you’re worried that you’ll be replaced by molded plastic and energizer batteries. But if you really knew about women, you’d know that couldn’t possibly happen. Although the orgasm is why we come to the party, we stay for the human connection that happens. Plastic and latex doesn’t compare to way warm skin against warm skin feels. And they haven’t made a dildo yet that says “You’re beautiful” or “I love you.” (Although that will probably be in stores sometime soon. You’ve been warned, boys!)

If you feel threatened by your woman’s favorite toy, then it might be because you’re feeling left out. Make it something that you can do together. Think of it this way: if you make room for Victor the Vibrator in your sex life, she’ll be more willing to re-enact your three-way fantasies with your Betty Blowjob Doll. I call that a fair trade....written by P.S. Jones



There is a reason the word ‘toy’ rhymes with ‘joy’... they aren't just for kids. Toys are great! If you think that two people should simply be content enjoying each other's bodies without anything else, go back to rotary phones. God gave us technology to improve our existence, and technology has given us some great new sex toys. Vibrators, whips, clips, clamps, ropes, blindfolds, handcuffs... oh my!!! All of these things can help someone realize a fantasy, and intensify their passion and climax to a much higher level. Why wouldn't you want to use toys?

When I meet a woman who likes toys, I think... HALLELUJAH!!! I know that she is going to be fun, experimental, aggressive, and best of all... easy and willing. There will be no begging and pleading... just a quick stop for some Ever-ready long-life batteries, and let the pleasure begin! If a couple can be open enough with each other to enjoy toys together, then they probably have good communication. They can discuss fantasies, get into forbidden areas that drive their lust to the boiling point, and experience orgasms much more intense than simply body to body sex. The other great thing about toys is that if there is a system failure with your body... perish the thought... a well-played love match using hot toys can be just as fulfilling for you and for her. No one has to sit there apologizing for not holding up their end, and no one has to lie and act like it doesn't matter.

Now there is nothing wrong with just regular sex, but having toys involved lends a shared forbidden, taboo aspect to the sexual experience that can make the lovers more intimate. There are some great toys out there, and they can add some spice to recharge, revive, and re-energize the sexual adventure in a couple who has grown bored with the same old, same old.

I have a well stocked toy bag, and it does not always come out, but when it does, the experience is always rewarding and fun. If you want to start with something simple, there is nothing better than vibrating massage gloves. In any case, things that go buzzzzz, snap, crackle, and pop should always be a welcome collection to your bag of tricks....written by Cliff Hodges

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The Aphrodisiac

When you do a Google search of aphrodisiac, all kinds of crazy things come up. Everything from oysters to chocolate to Spanish fly. Apparently, there are even people who get turned on by artichokes. (Have you seen an artichoke?) No matter how strange they may seem or how vague the results, people really believe in aphrodisiacs. I challenge you to find one single, active man living in a retirement home in Florida that doesn’t have a couple of tabs of Viagra in his pocket. And in certain areas of Los Angeles, a little Hennessy and a bootleg porno tape go a very long way to closing the deal. In India, drinking rhinoceros urine is said to get even the most frigid housewife in the mood. (I think it works something like you threaten to make someone drink rhinoceros pee and they scream, “Ok, ok. I’ll have sex with you. Just keep the damn pee away from me. Please!”) So what’s the best aphrodisiac for getting a woman in the mood? I’ve heard that money is a great libido enhancer, but I doubt it. And that’s just based on the fact that I’ve never had an orgasm at an ATM machine. I did have a spontaneous orgasm once when my husband remembered something I’d told him to do the week before . . . and then actually did it.

Most experts agree that aphrodisiacs are just placebos. The fact that you believe that they’ll work is what makes them work. Maybe that’s why I’ve never used them. No matter how many pounds of oysters or chocolate you feed me, if the spark isn’t there, it just isn’t. I think the question should be why do you need aphrodisiacs in the first place? I thought that a good personality, a decent body and some half-way original pick up lines were enough to get the right person in the mood. I mean if you have to put things in people’s drinks and feed them certain food to get laid, you’re definitely doing something wrong . . . it’s called date rape. And that’s my next question. How come when I googled “aphrodisiac”, there was no websites discussing the merits of GHB or Ruffies? Or getting people drunk without their knowledge? I think that because then we’d realize that aphrodisiacs are kind of sketchy when you think about it. Or maybe I’m just a prude. I don’t know. But I do know that I’ll be on the lookout for strangers slipping oysters or rhinoceros pee in my drinks the next time I’m out at a bar. I’d hate to wake up and find I’d been “aphrodisiac’d”….written by P.S. Jones



I don't know about everyone else, but I would sacrifice a body part for a dependable aphrodisiac that worked. To suddenly become that charming, irresistible, "gotta have now" guy in a woman's eyes would be the ultimate weapon. In college we used to have grain-alcohol parties for the new freshmen girls in the dorms and ply them with "Purple Jesus" - grape kool-aid and grain... but unfortunately, if they didn’t simply go back to their room and pass out they would end up puking which is worse than saltpeter on sexual desire - for both parties.

There used to be Qualudes, and I have heard of GHB, and Rufies, but "date rape" has never been a fantasy of mine so I have no experience with them. The point is not to render your date unconscious or incapacitated. Ethically, those chemicals are wrong and do not belong in the category of aphrodisiacs... they are better off in the felony file. An aphrodisiac should amp up her desire to where she is literally tearing your clothes off.

Probably the closest thing to an aphrodisiac that I have found is the drug Xtasy. I have been in bars and when a gorgeous, young woman approaches me with fire in her eyes, passion in her heart, and hands that won't be denied, it is usually due to that drug. I realize I am not nearly young enough, hot enough, nor charming enough to merit that sort of passion unless it were chemically induced. At those times, I merely thank God and the inventor of the drug - who is my hero. I have heard of stuff called Spanish Fly, and everyone has probably heard of Oysters, but these are urban legends as far as I know.

In my opinion, an aphrodisiac is like Viagra. If it is available and it makes the sexual experience hotter and better then it would be a great tool to have. Unfortunately, in my life, aphrodisiacs are mythical potions that I have never experienced. I do however, have ultimate faith in chemistry, and long for the day when there is a "love potion" that will draw women to me like a magnet…..written by Cliff Hodges

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